Filing Cabinet of the Damned

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Victory at last

I won. The book is complete.

The novel is 50,468 words, though it has no title.

It does have ostriches, ninjas, pirates, madness, death, love, a cardboard cutout of Bettie Page shot through the forehead, a giant spider, twenty large canisters of pudding, a rapier duel, model train enthusiasts, regret, slavering monsters, exhumations, a floating village off the Philippine coast, sansabelt slacks, and a magical chicken sandwich. It's a busy little story.

It lacks coherence, depth of characterization, and monkeys.

It's a fusion of too many comic books, P.G. Wodehouse, bad movies, the zeitgeist of the McSweeney's era, and, um, classical Russian novels. It's a giant mess.

But goddammit, it's done.

Now I can alter my business cards.

"Harvey Jerkwater: Hero, Lover, Rock-and-Roller, and Novelist."


Now let us never speak of this piece of crap again.

Back to comics!


  • Congrats!

    And I'm glad it has ninjas. It had to have either monkeys or ninjas; I would have gone with monkeys, but that's me.

    By Blogger Dean Dad, at 10:10 AM  

  • Congrats. That's great ... and as I aim to participate next year, I'm glad to hear about winners ... or survivors.

    By Blogger Mark Fossen, at 3:31 PM  

  • Congratulations! I am also considering a run at the Brass Ring next year, and tales of victory do indeed raise the motivation.

    By Blogger Jhunt, at 5:27 PM  

  • Way to go, sir. I admire your resolve. I only got halfway through - about 26000 words. Oh well. Will we ever see this masterpiece online somewhere????

    By Blogger Greg, at 5:54 PM  

  • In about a week I'm going to sit down and reread the thing.

    If it's as bad as I claim, I'll bury it at sea.

    If it's salvageable, I'll spend some time revising it and then figure out what comes next.

    My vanity still harbors the faint notion that perhaps I will someday get this naughty monkey published.

    By Blogger Harvey Jerkwater, at 6:45 PM  

  • Congratulations, bud. I also finished. I clocked in at about 54k, but the book itself isn't finished. I'm still working on it every night and I can actually see the end in sight.

    My one regret is there's no monkey's yet. There's still time, though.

    By Blogger Rick Jones, really, at 10:37 AM  

  • Congratulations! Did you include a scene of puking in the bathroom sink??? I'm hoping...

    By Anonymous I'll Never Tell, at 2:10 PM  

  • By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:54 PM  

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