Filing Cabinet of the Damned

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 going to be tricky

Perhaps other comic fans can appreciate this.

I just returned from an overnight trip to visit my out-of-town family. Mrs. Jerkwater did not accompany me, as she was stuck at work.

Before I left for home, my mother suggested that I help her rearrange the goods in her storage unit. Hardly a surprise, as every visit I make includes some variation on the moving of furniture. As I carried the heavy stuff and wheeled around dollies laden with goods, my mother asked if I would take with me my old comic collection, thereby freeing up space in the unit.

When I moved away, I had left my collection behind. Living in apartments didn't allow me to take them. But with the recent purchase of Jerkwater Estates, I now have room. In part to accommodate my mother’s wishes, but largely because my inner geek nearly went into cardiac arrest at the thought of regaining my old collection (from 1984 to the mid-nineties) and being able to re-read many lost treasures.

Here’s the tough part.

Jerkwater Estates is a good-sized dwelling, but it lacks either basement or attic. Storage is, simply, a pain. The four longboxes that comprise my post-1996 comic collection now sit in my office and pretend to be a cubic “table” of sorts. (The rest of the office is filled with bookshelves and my workstation, so I can’t make that much bigger.) And Mrs. Jerkwater is already displeased with those few ugly-ass longboxes being in plain sight.

Yesterday I smuggled into the house the Old Collection before she came home from work. Fourteen longboxes. Yes, fourteen. I stacked them in three rows, five high, in the rumpus room. She hasn’t noticed them yet.

I can foresee the look on her face when she encounters the three foot-by-five foot wood pulp mass in the corner. Her face will reveal a mingling of horror and a fervent wish that I collected stamps instead. She’ll try not to freak out too openly, knowing how much I love the dumb things, but I suspect her urge to keep a calm front will not succeed.

The phrase “holy crap” will, in all likelihood, be uttered at least six times within the first three minutes after discovery. Even to me, the sight of all those boxes is astonishing.

She’s a wonderful woman and accepts my mighty geek-osity, but she’s also fond of decorating and keeping a presentable house. Eighteen longboxes represent a decorating challenge the likes of which make even a strong man shudder.

Maybe if I throw a decorative blanket over them and proclaim it to be provocative sculpture?


  • Fourteen?

    A cake-walk, my friend., sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive.
    Actually, I can relate, and understand completely.

    My problem is compounded:
    -17 "personal collection" longboxes (THESE are mine until they are buried WITH me. These feature ONLY titles that feature my favorite characters: DOCTOR STRANGE, MAN-THING, DEFENDERS, SCARLET WITCH, BLACK KNIGHT and any of the "MIDNIGHT SONS" ie: GHAST RIDER, BLADE etc...)

    -over 20 "to sell on eBay" longboxes (just..have no time to get around to the whole "selling" thing)

    PLUS...a collection of hardcovers, paperbacks, rarities, toys, statues, ect...ALL of which feature one or more of my favorute characters.

    A MIGHTY collection.
    And my wife still loves me.
    Go figure.

    But she knows that I've collected these things since I was a lad (I'll be 38 in April - ugh), and that...if push came to shove, she might be moving out instead of the longboxes (KIDDING...kidding).

    But I have 2 walk-in closets (in our apt) packed to the rafters with the stuff, and am trying DESPERATELY to rid myslef of the "sale" items (or, at the very least...organize the closet space).

    So..if your wife has ANY problems with your mere 14 boxes.
    Let her read THIS and you say:
    "Well...look. At least I'm noot as bad as THIS guy."

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:59 PM  

  • By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:46 AM  

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